wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
