Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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