decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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