yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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