I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
