So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
