I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She announced her abortion via fbk
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
ttyl tear gas
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
you made out with another girl for some wings
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
