You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
