Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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