my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
