Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
