Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
