sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
