need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
this beer tastes like vomit already
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
