Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
