my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
