hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
