so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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