My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
