Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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