JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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