Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
