She announced her abortion via fbk
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
