Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
