Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
