So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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