so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
