Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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