The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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