I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
