do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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