A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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