At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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