The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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