So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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