we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
