Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
