whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
