I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
