Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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