It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
