I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
