When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
