it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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