i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
