All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
