I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize