the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
