I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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