He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
