i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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