i need an iv and a liver transplant
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
