you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
