ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
