I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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