don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
