Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
