I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
