I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
