At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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