Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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