Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
