So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
