DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
