I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
