I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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