i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
