just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Jerry, you need to find god
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
